its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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