How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
