We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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