This is not my ceiling
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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