don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
