I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
