You made me cry and you don't even care
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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