You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
