Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just puked most of my soul out..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
