you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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