Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
