I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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