my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
