hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
