Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
