I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
