Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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