You work out of a Hotel?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
