Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
