I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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