Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
