Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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