i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
