I CAN MOONWALK!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
