put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I looked at my own cervix.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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