i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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