FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
