i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
