She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
