i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
