i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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