I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
