yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
