he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
