i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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