pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
