Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I love you. Go after that dick
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
