woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
