I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
