dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
