Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
