The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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