She is in my trunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
