Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
