Is it because I queefed?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
