Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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