I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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