that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
