So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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