No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
