i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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