she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
