So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
